Those Words from A Dad Which Saved Us as a Brand-New Parent

"I think I was simply just surviving for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the challenges of fatherhood.

However the truth rapidly became "completely different" to his expectations.

Severe health problems surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her main carer as well as looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every change… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he burnt out. It was a talk with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he required support.

The direct words "You aren't in a good place. You need some help. What can I do to help you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and start recovering.

His story is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now better used to talking about the stress on mums and about post-natal depression, less is said about the challenges dads encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan feels his difficulties are symptomatic of a larger failure to communicate amongst men, who continue to hold onto harmful ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets hit and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It is not a show of failure to request help. I didn't do that soon enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not justified to be asking for help" - most notably ahead of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental state is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the space to request a break - taking a few days away, outside of the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he required a shift to consider his and his partner's feelings as well as the day-to-day duties of caring for a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of feelings and interpret his decisions as a father.

The notion of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked stable male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, deep-held trauma caused his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "poor choices" when younger to change how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as a way out from the hurt.

"You turn to substances that aren't helpful," he notes. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Strategies for Managing as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you feel overwhelmed, tell a trusted person, your partner or a professional about your state of mind. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the things that made you feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. This might be playing sport, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the body - nutritious food, staying active and where possible, sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is doing.
• Meet other first-time fathers - hearing about their experiences, the messy ones, along with the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that requesting help isn't failing - looking after yourself is the optimal method you can look after your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the death, having had no contact with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - managing the feelings in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men since they faced their issues, changed how they talk, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my role is to teach and advise you what to do, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding an equal amount as you are through this experience."